Well, that question had to come sooner or later. No matter what...I wasn't prepared emotionally for it.
I didn't realize until tonight how much loved and sheltered we are in our life. We are very lucky to be part of a very tight knit group of family and friends. We see each other at least twice a week, our kids play together and the adults catch up.
Tonight I went to a party where I didn't know most of the people. It was a birthday party for a 7 year old girl. I was watching over Annalisa when a woman came up to me and asked me: "Is she your real daughter or is she adopted?". She didn't ask for my name, she didn't introduce herself, I knew nothing about this woman and she knew nothing about me...nonethless she felt very comfortable asking me that question.
Without missing a beat I answered: "She IS my REAL daughter and she is adopted". Of course she started to apologize right away. I wasn't mad or upset I was very matter of fact. I explained to her that if my daughter was of an age where she understood I wanted to make sure that she knew without a doubt that there is no DNA in the world that would make her more mine or more real. We had small talk for a few minutes and then I moved on.
Just a few minutes later another woman noticed the Mongolian spots on Annalisa. Here we go again..."What is wrong with your daughter's back?" she asked. I told her they were Mongolian spots and explained that they are common amongst people with a darker pigmentation. She didn't quit! She commented that she had seen me play with Annalisa a few minutes earlier and thought I had dropped her.
A few minutes later I left the party. I had enough! I wasn't really that upset when it happened. I kept my answers very matter of fact and calm. I know that they weren't thinking about what they were saying but in the car on my way home I started to get very sad. Sad because this is the kind of things that Annalisa is going to face her whole life.
Does ignorance justifies people being rude? I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and at the same time educate them about what's proper and what's not. Hopefully these women will not ask the same questions again to another parent but I can't help feeling a bit down right now!
4 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear what happened. You are lucky to have a tight family, as I see from your many photos of your family together. It's the rest of the world that's goofed up. Hopefully, we adoptive families will "educate" them. Either that or slap them silly.
Rina! :::hugs::: I'm so sorry some idiot who was incapable of holding her tongue took you hostage for several minutes! Wow!!
I applaud you for not getting flustered and simply replying that Annalisa was your "real" daughter and also "adopted". Like you, I don't think people mean to imply that your daughter is "fake" when they make the faux pax of saying "real". But really, it's none of their business! You were gracious!
But her further interrogation was completely uncalled for. I remember taking my son to the ER for a routine stitch up after taking a fall and hearing the nurse remark that he had "too many bruises on his legs". I sat there quietly and stewed in my own juices! How dare she imply that created those marks! Nevermind that it would mean that I'd have to take a tiny little stick and smack him about the shins (since that's the only place he had bruises --- from CLIMBING!) Grrrr! I really wish I'd "educated" that nurse about what a normal little 2 year old boy does to get a bunch of bruises on his shins! How dare she!!
You did good, my friend! Don't feel down. Something tells me she's have given the 3rd degree to ANY parent!
Next time, you'll be even more prepared. And, unfortunately, you know there will be a next time.
Donna
I dread the day I will be asked those questions... You did a great job answering.
Lisa
my-daughter-isn't-adopted-&-I-hear-this-too...not-fun..:(
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